Don't you send me to vm
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
