Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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