Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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