OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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