Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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