New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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