I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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