Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
one two three fourrrrnication!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
