Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
