Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
