yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
