so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
i think i just lost a toe
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
