you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
