i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Couch. On fire.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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