My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
