Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I know her cup size but not her name....
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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