Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
