i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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