Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
