found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
