Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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