well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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