Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
