I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
