i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
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I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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