I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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