i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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