I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
