Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Randomize
