I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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