I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
