I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
