He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
