Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
