So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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