Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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