there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
vagina is talking i cant
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
