Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
