can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
