She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
