made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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