they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
