I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
