Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
