her vagine was all disorganized.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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