Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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