I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
