Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
