i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
