Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
