You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
