im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize