If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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