Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
