The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
