imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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