Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
