I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
