On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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