i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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