We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
