So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
