On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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