I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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