wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
