You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
